An Open Letter To My Pretty Brown Eyed Angel: Volume III

Hey Cinema,

I'm sorry, it's been a while since we spoke. We have so much to catch up on! I mean, I'm hoping we don't because you're with me all the time? A girl can dream. But I've been missing you like crazy of late, so I figured I'd talk to you.

I graduated from business school recently. Those were two amazing years. I never thought I could do hostels and people and I don't know, education again. Do you remember how full of enthusiasm I used to be? I felt that slipping away more and more every passing day since, I don't know, a few years now. MBA is where I finally became okay with that fact. I was happy to opt out of committees and clubs and the whole shebang. I just be'd, hung out, found people, studied but not too much, explored new experiences that Mom would definitely kill me for. I always thought we'd do our MBAs together after getting tired of our software engineering jobs. You'd study for CAT, I'd procrastinate and feel guilty about it. You missed out, that's what you get for leaving me alone.

I started my post-MBA role about a month ago. So far, I'm not loving it. I don't want to judge too fast, but it's everything I didn't want. Remote, with lack of structure, in a space I don't understand yet again. The people are okay I guess, but the entire team is less than six months old. No wonder nobody has the time or inclination to just sit down and cover knowledge transfers the way they're meant to happen.

I don't know. I'm so lost. Like all the definitive chapters of my life are over and now I'm thrown into the wilderness to survive. I'm surrounded by love, and yet, I feel lonely. Do you get it? I just wish I could have you for one more day. I'd just hold you and cry and funnily enough I know that is what would make me feel better.

I'm doing yoga now. It's not much, but it gets me some movement. I really see myself going on a meditation retreat somewhere and never coming back. My appearance, that's the newest thing I hate about myself. Weird, right? Doesn't sound like me at all. It's just taken such a hit on my self-esteem I can't even.

I can't wait to move out of home. That's always helped me, being out there on my own - I'm my most confident self like that. Maybe I'll go to driving school too and finally get over my fear of the road.

I miss talking to you. I miss your G-shock and drinking Frootis really fast to impress you and sitting on the bench in my society. I miss hugging you and thinking to myself you need to eat thirty kilos of food.

Thank you for listening to me ramble today, just as you did all those years ago. I guess you're the only one I can talk to anymore.

I love you. Now, always.