It took me twenty four years - sixteen of them spent in formal education - to realize that I have semi-crippling performance anxiety. It wasn't evident all this time because I went on to eventually do well on most occasions. It takes an gentle mind to understand that that is seldom enough. The outcome, important as it is, is not only thing that matters when journeying toward a destination. Psychological well-being is of paramount significance, something most of us in my circle shrug off.
Today, on the eve of the day that was supposed to be life-altering, as I called my confidant and fought back tears, I only began to comprehend the frailty of it all. We each give ourselves these goals to work towards - an education, a job, the perfect life - and refuse to pause and look at what that objective is driving us to. The pressures on today's youth are like no other generation. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but we have been given everything, and that, perhaps, is our doom. There are so many studies to cite, I wouldn't know where to begin.
I didn't start with the intention of turning this into a mental health seminar, but I'm all about that peace now, so I tend to go adrift when the subject comes up. It's a good distraction though, focusing on humanity's collective misery instead of just my own.
You ever have one of those days where you think you've just been playing a part in your life, just do what the script said, and you couldn't even do that right? I don't know, I'm a little loopy right now. Can somebody ring in the new year already? This one has been tragic enough.
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