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An Open Letter To My Lover: Volume IV

Hey Shrey,

When I started this series three years ago, I did so because I thought it would be inconsequential. I was writing to an intangible entity - one with whom I could be earnestly candid. I could uphold my belief systems of love and faith without having to prepare for the commitment and pain that inevitably accompany them. I was a romantic by convenience. I know it may not seem like it, but my reflections have led to an undeniable conclusion. For most of my life, I was scared. Scared of entrusting my heart to someone and watching them wield it as they wished. Of directing these letters to an actual human being, lest we part ways, leaving this as an exercise in futility and heartache. Of having my ego humbled and my soul shared.

But the thing is, I'm not scared anymore, not as much anyway. I'm not scared of love. The irrational, unconditional kind. Your kind. Maybe that's why I can write to you and admit it, to you, and to myself. This is a new area for me, and that's terrifying. So is the unknown. But, for the first time in a long time, it seems worth it. You can ask the universe for signs all you want, but ultimately we'll only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it. That's what he said, our favorite guy. Well, I'm ready now.

You once told me you dreamed of being on the other side of these. But you should know, today, it's mine that has come true. You are my centerpiece.

I know there are battles to wade through. But, you know what? I'm in this to win the war.

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