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Eye Of The Tiger (?)

No. That's all I've been saying when they ask me if I'm hungry. I can't remember the last time I had lunch, what they'd consider lunch at least. I'm constitutionally incapable of consuming breakfast, but I suppose that's normal considering my current sleep schedule. I exclusively eat what Ma calls dead food. It's an actual term, who knew? And don't even get me started on a fitness regimen. Exercise? More like agonize.

Whenever somebody points out my horribly unhealthy lifestyle, I always request some leeway. Let me hit 30, I'll figure it out then. Don't worry, I only plan on living till 50. I'm a strong advocate of giving into the present, as long as it's convenient for me. And the hypocrisy does not stop there, seeing that I demand everybody I treasure take the utmost care of themselves.

I'm all about that self-love. Irrespective of toxicity, apparently. I've never forced myself to conform to somebody else's understanding of my health, which, as my well-wishers would assert, has led me to an undesirable condition. I'm not at risk sure, not yet anyway, but one could argue I'm awfully close.

So, I pulled the oldest trick in the book in an attempt to fool my mind. I got a tracker to serve as external motivation. It's expensive too, to facilitate guilt effectively. Like any other new toy, I lit up at its arrival, and not just because it looks snazzy.

See, visualization is key. When I was indisputably shown how much I was moving compared to how much I ought, my ego was provoked. Post that initial instigation which resulted in a rigorous walk (which gave me blisters, might I add), I let the feel-good juices of my brain take over - the only addiction I'd be willing to adopt. Sure, I stopped for a bite to eat partway - old patterns seldom change - but hey, trigger-action-reward-response. This one's on psychology.

It's been intriguing, I wonder if I'll keep it up. Guess it can't hurt to try. Besides, it might be fun to fit, for once, into the conventionally accepted form for a person of my specifications. Hormone against habit, it'll be an interesting battle. If only I was a spectator instead of the primary partaker. Alas.

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Grateful and more, yes, but fuck my life.


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